Tag: midlife crisis

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What is it I’m looking for?… What am I missing?… What did I take for granted that I’ve lost somewhere along the way?

ENTHUSIASM 1

That unbridled passion for a thing, event, person or activity. That feeling you get when you’re with friends discussing an upcoming holiday, gig or party. When you can’t wait to share your ideas or thoughts on either your own or a friends new venture, relationship or travels. I miss looking forward to planning the party and the party itself and not even considering the aftermath, to visiting the off-license without that sinking feeling of apprehension for the morning after, and just hopping in the car and heading off on an adventure unconcerned about the tyre-pressures, fuel prices and traffic reports.

EXCITMENT

Not being able to sleep a wink because the following day is just going to be the best ever!!!… Butterflies in your stomach that are just that, butterflies, not chronic anxiety or indigestion. I remember not being able to keep still because I was so fired up, I would tap, jiggle and hop on the spot to find an outlet for the pent up energy, giggle and laugh for no other reason apart from pure unadulterated excitement. I yearn for the days when a party was the highlight of my week and not something that at best, I hope to see the people I love and get mildly smashed so I can forget some of life’s shit bits, and at worst, try my very best to avoid attending altogether so I can stay home and watch the Special Victims Unit triple bill in bed.

complacency

Mmmmmmm…. to be carefree again, to do that ever more elusive “living in the moment” thing. To jump in the car at midnight and head to a field in Hampshire somewhere because a friend of a friend reckons there’s a party going on. Not to feel the need to carry plasters, headache pills and a miniature sewing kit, among other stuff, around in a giant back-breaking handbag that Mary Poppins would be proud of, in case of a nuclear attack or a broken zip. If only I could really let loose and enjoy the picnic knowing I’d forgotten the hummus dip for the carrots, or relax whilst boarding a plane without concerning myself with medication supplies and compression sleeves to control potential flare ups of lymphedema (a complication of cancer treatment)… If only the smuggling of duty-free boxes of wine on board for secret under the seat mid-flight drinkies was my single source of unease.

simple 1

Get up, get dressed and go out…..

Get up, get paid, go shopping and go out….

Get up, go out, get drunk and eat a kebab…

Run out of money, borrow a £10 off Dad and go out…

FREEDOM 1

The days when the biggest worry was your parents finding out you smoke, that you came in 3hrs past curfew or that you’d neglected to mention that Sophie, Steve and Jim were staying over and would be smoking weed in your bedroom until 4am. Mortgages were for other people, bank loans and credit cards were for worrying about another day, caring for the dog, cats or kids was not even a part of the equation, booking a 2 week holiday and staying on another week because it’s fun, packing your job in because its shit and the manager’s a wanker… and not getting constant reminders to attend the local GP’s surgery for smear tests, mammograms or a 40+ health check.

Can I get it all back or has that ship sailed?… What can I replace these feelings with?… How do I get my kicks as a grown up?

GRATITUDE 

To be grateful nearly every day just for waking up, for still having my eyesight, my body in fairly decent working order, bar a few battle scars, aches and pains… to have the man I love alongside me and supporting me everyday, to own my beautiful home, well, for the mortgage company to allow me to live in my beautiful home whilst slowly paying off the interest … to have the best friends a girl could ask for and a family, both new, adopted and the originals in my corner whatever I seem to get up to.

security 1

The comfort taken in knowing that the people in my life are there because they care about me, and not what I can do for them… that they accept the occasionally neurotic behavior, the fact that my phone is constantly at the bottom of my giant handbag on silent, and my apparently legendary stubbornness. The home that wraps me up in a warm hug each time I walk in through the front door, a bolt-hole without which I have no idea how I’d have coped over the last few years… the place I’ve been through some of the best and worst moments of my life so far, the place that my animals are waiting to greet me whatever my mood. The Husband that puts up with a menopausal, infertile 40 something woman with a newly acquired stone or two and who’s idea of a good day out is a trip to Ikea to purchase soft furnishings we don’t need, and a good night out would usually involve ice-cream and the promise that we don’t have to stay too long.

CONFIDENCE 2

Not giving a flying fuck what the general public think about the fact that I have gone out in jogging bottoms, socks and sandals, what colour/style my hair is or that I was singing at the top of my voice in the car with the window open… that I talk to my animals, listen to chat radio and Joni Mitchell. I’m not saying that I don’t have the odd melt-down when getting ready to go out, on the rare occasion that I do, normally relating to weight gain and ill-fitting clothes, but most are short lived due to the refreshing realization that nobody gives a shit, and that after the first glass of wine neither will I. No longer feeling that I need to justify myself or my actions to anyone, I am what I am, cock-ups and triumphs alike.

new booze

See confidence.

pills

From the pills that have helped to take the edge off the anxiety and aid a good nights sleep, to the ones that are hopefully helping to keep me alive… love it or loath it, and believe me I do both, credit where credits due, at times it’s been a life-saver 😉

I’m confused, how about you?

 

 

 

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I have my little list of things I’d like to ramble on about in my blog posts, stuff that has either impacted my life, the lives of my nearest and dearest or has just tweaked my interest either for good reasons, bad, frustrating or joyful. HAIR… As most of you will know by now I have spent a couple of years of my adult life folically challenged. Before that I’d had a waist length mop of unkempt thick dark brown hair… After preciously growing it back after the first time it all fell out, braving all the many “in-between” stages, the “Leo Sayer” being my least favourite, only to lose it all again during cancer round 2, I decided to have some fun with my new barnet, something my lovely Mum didn’t allow me to do as a young’un, and then emotionally blackmailed me into not doing as an adult…. Sorry Mum.

leo

I’m lucky enough to have 2 close hairdresser friends in my life, and both are frequently given free rein to do whatever they like. It’s been pink, purple, red and peach, brown, peroxide blonde… Oh and don’t forget grey. It’s been curly, straight, slicked and quiffed, trimmed, razored and shaved, and I’m nowhere near finished yet. I do however have an underlying, nagging concern that at 41 I may just be getting a tiny bit old for all this colourful silliness, but then I look at some of the bold haired, slightly older ladies in the media…

viv

… But is that just it?, these women likely have hairdressers in their pockets, and a team of clothes stylists in their Louis Vuitton hand luggage all in the pursuit of paparazzi-ready perfection. Do I just look like a slightly overweight middle-aged lady having a midlife crisis…or am I actually a slightly overweight middle-aged lady having an actual midlife crisis????

mutton

Many of my girl friends have grown-up jobs where a particularly vibrant hair colour might be frowned upon, and to be honest not that many of them would feel inclined to plump for a pink or purple do anyway. Most still have fairly close relationships with their hairdressers all the same. All have had some kind of grey covering, highlights, lowlights, tints, regular cutting or styling. I’ve also noticed that the long, flowing, carefree locks of our younger years are nearly all gone, it seems like in our late 30’s / 40’s it’s the done thing to have the chop, a bob, long bob, short bob, shaggy bob, a bob with a fringe or a bob without, does long hair really age women or are we conditioned to think that it’s in some way child-like or simply our desperation to cling onto our fading youth?… I was once chastised by a woman in a bar for wearing bunches in my early 30’s, you can well imagine what I thought about that, wonder what she’d say if she saw the half shaved peroxide quiff I am sporting in my 40’s??!!!

I asked Max, one of my lovely hairdresser friends, to gather some intelligence on this matter from 10 of her regular female customers to get an overview of their observations and thoughts regarding the changes and the rules, if indeed there are any, of middle aged hair.

Q.  Have you found that as you’ve got older your hair has changed and how?

 A. General consensus, YES!!!!…. Most of my 10 ladies were going grey by 30ish and coloured their hair to disguise it. It also seems that grey hair has a courser texture so hair had developed a whole new wave, curl or kink that could be both challenging and helpful depending on what your trying to do with it.

Q.  Do you have an opinion on the notion that older women should go short?

 A. 9/10 ladies say “up yours” to convention and that you should have a style that suits you whether short or long… young, middle aged or old, it’s all about your style and face shape.

Q.  What do you think about the recent trend of actually dying hair grey?

 A.  One of my ladies found it a strange concept, why when it’ll probably be grey at some point anyway?… The rest gave it the thumbs up, as long as you/your colourist chooses the right shade to complement your skin tone then it can look both classic and modern.

Q.  If you’re fighting the greys then what do you use to do it?

 A.  My favourite answer was “I use Max”…. 3 used Max to keep the greys at bay, 4 used both off the shelf DIY colours and Max combined, 1 used so much bleach she had no idea what was real and what was not, and the last 2 went au natural and embraced the grey.

Q.  Finally…. Is there an age limit on crazy colours?

 A. 2 of my ladies put an age limit on the pinks and purples, a 30-40 limit and a 60+… Oooops!!… 7 thought it should be based on your personal style and 1 said it depends how crazy you are.

 

If my 10 ladies are anything to go by then I’m happy to say that perhaps my mutton dressed as lamb fears are un founded, people are perhaps more open minded than I gave them credit for. They say we dress and look how we do to impress other women rather than the opposite sex. Much as a compliment from anyone, male or female is always gratefully received, as I’ve got older I’ve realized that the most important person that needs to like what they see is in the mirror, you will rock whatever makes you feel confident and comfortable, unless heels, corsets and beehives float your boat, then you can just go with the confident and skip the comfortable  😉

pink ladies

 

I’d like to say a big thanks to my 10 ladies for your help with this post, you know who you are!!.. and send some big love to my lovely, patient and enthusiastic hairdressers, Hannah & Max!!!!

Max – maxinemiles@icloud.com