Designated Driver

Don’t get me wrong, I like a party, and with a few drinks inside me l can usually be found dancing like it’s 1991 on some sticky dance-floor, in a pub or simply in the front room. I don’t even need to be paralytic, just a bit tipsy, just enough to ease my self consciousness, and the painful realization that I have well and truly entered “Mum dancing” territory!!

These “Mum dancing” occurrences have increased tenfold over the last few years, mainly since I gave up the fags (my most favourite vice). I am no longer hanging outside the pub in the cosy smokers area with the cool kids, looking casual and hip, chatting the evening away with like minded individuals, debating politics, current affairs and the global economy… Who am I kidding???.. More like drunken ranting at each other about the latest episode of The Walking Dead or what constitutes as music these days, Blah..Blah..Blah!

I am now indoors, positioned dangerously closer to not only the dance-floor, but the bar. I’m sure you can imagine how this may well lead to me thinking, “I got da moves” and also, that everyone wants to see them, cringe!!!

I recently decided that it was concerning me that proper good nights out always seemed to require booze, and in vast quantities. Prosecco mainly, my latest tipple, much more suited to the slightly more discerning binge-drinker I do believe. So with these concerns niggling at me, I thought I’d try to master some sober fun time. Well, if anything is the perfect example of “Easier said that done” then that is… !!!

I spent last Saturday evening with a big group of friends at a gig, a really good gig too, the support act were great, so often not the case. They’re from Amsterdam and went by the catchy name “Kuenta i Tambu”… a party, dancehall, carnival vibe. Even sober I was jigging about a bit, head nodding and a little swaying, my girls were with me, also sober, all good so far. The crowd was really mixed, the headline act “Dub Pistols” are local to us and have been around since 1996, so unusually we were not the oldest gig goers, it’s never good when you’re old enough to be the bands parents!.. Then, to my horror, my fellow sober ladies left me, left me to what had rapidly become a room full of sweaty, shouty, pushy, shovey drunkards ranging from those young enough to still attempt crowd surfing, to those old enough to know better (you know who you are).

I struggle on, reluctantly agreeing to move from the nice safe viewpoint I’d valiantly defended for the whole of the support act, to a position I’m assured will achieve the maximum sound quality, in that I mean, standing in the middle of the massive speakers at the back just in front of the doors to the smoking area and in the middle of the main walk-way from the dance-floor to the bar and loo!!.. I had my toes stomped on repeatedly by seemingly unaware gig goers, had enough beer spilt down me to fill a barrel, and to top it all off could see nothing but the back of 3 very tall men, one of whom insisted on wearing his hooded jacket like a cape (you know when you used put your hood up and run around the school playground pretending to be Batman?)… My patience was being sorely tested by this point.

My hip hurt (I don’t do standing for long these days), my shoulder hurt (tendonitis).. and now my toes hurt with all the trampling and “No, I do not want another bottle of fucking fizzy fucking water!!!”…

Finally my reprieve, my passengers are all ready to depart J. I get not only some much needed fresh air, but the most exciting thing…. I get to sit down, albeit to drive, but that’s okay. I’m also safe in the knowledge that I’m homeward, and more importantly, bed bound, I simply need to stay sane through the last test, the duration of the car journey home listening to my inebriated, loud but much loved, car load of piss heads!!

So, to sum up, I’ve not really mastered “Sober fun” as yet, I feel it will be a work in progress for me. I don’t drink at home, rarely ever in the daytime or during the week, so I have decided to allow myself the odd binge-drinking, fun having, drink spilling, opinionated ranting, mum dancing session.. Guilt free !!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s